Updated: Sep 23
You Can't change a Man. YOU can't change a Person. Any other person.
Its hard enough to change yourself why would you want to change another person??
& Changing someone means You don't even like him for who he is as is- right in front of you.
So, what u got to do is start loving him unconditonally for who he really is. In all of his beer gut, sloppy, possibly-addicted ways.
This is the only way to love your person truly. Start SEEEEING HIM- seeing Him for who he REALLY is. MOST older women I work with who are 74, 65, 52 etc always say the same thing "I wasted 40 years trying to change someone not knowing I was killing myself slowly trying to change him, putting all of my energy and resources into him trying to change him not knowing it was draining me & killing me softly."
They eventually found their peace & happiness within themselves once they left the one-sided relationship/marriage.
Start loving your person unconditonally for who he really is even if he is an addict, a dick, or a lazy neglectful prick and just start seeing him for who he truly is. Open YOUR Eyes and stop making dumb excuses for him in your head.
We all had tough childhoods that doesn't mean he should be draining the fuck out of you as adults u didn't sign up to be his care-aide or therapist you ain't his mf mom.
Do this exercise for a couple weeks start to see him in all his sloppy, flakey, annoying, ghosty, immature ass ways. Real Eyes see thru Real Lies Open ur Eyes to who he organically naturally is.
His good habits and his bad habits.
You will realize that- come to realize that this is who he is . Who he truly is. Standing right in front of you. Don't waste your years on "Potential" too many people waste years & even decades stuck in "He will Change"
No he motherfucken won't and you're being disrespectful to not accept him for who he really is . The first 3 months of love never make life changing decisions because you are in an emotional Drunk. Whether that's marriage, knocked up & money sharing.
After 3 months the rose colored glasses starts to wear off. And u start to see that those nuicanses that seemed little before are actually HUGE and hinder YOUR growth as well as an individual soul. Whether its his "harmless smoking and dranking".
These are huge after awhile when u start to notice he drinks 3 times a week and smokes everyday.
Its hard to accept someone for who they are but the worst thing you can do is fall in Love with Potential. Don't fall in love with "Potential" you will kill yourself slowly for the rest of your years together trying to "change" him to fit your needs and wants.
Start to unconditonally love him for who he is in all of his flaws and this is actually who he is. Habits and actions don't lie. All talk no walk. You're marrying his actions not the fake promises or his gift of gab.
Only in Seeing him & Loving him unconditonally as is will you begin your new journey in realizing its hard enough to Changeourselves why the fuck would we want to change a whole ass other person?
Most people die at 70 years old wishing they never wasted 50 years trying to change there neglectful, cheating, absent, alcoholic Spouse.