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Hardest thing in my Life

Updated: Sep 23, 2022

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference."

-Jesus or some cool guy like Jesus

The Hardest thing in my life I have ever had to deal with is coming to terms in forgiving myself. I carry a deep down guilt that involves the two people I love the most in the world. All.the pain I caused them back in the day when I didn't know I was going thru pain and back in the day when I thought violence was normal and back in the day when I didn't know words hurt more than being knocked out.

I did the work with forgiving my birth mom. That was tough. But the one thing that I still struggle with at times and work on everyday now Is asking God to help me forgive myself for what I did when I was younger that I did not know realize I was hurting the person I love the most in the world. Now they are still alive and it is like I have to mourn a death of someone who doesn't want anything to do with me. And I don't blame them and I can't take back the past but each day I'm sorry that I did that and if I can turn back time I wish I could.

I am praying the serenity prayer alot. I forget how it goes but one sec... I will go Google it I was gonna be a lazy ass and make u go look it up yourself but one second. OKAY ITS up there. I know I can't turn back time and take all the beatings and bad words I did to the one I love the most but now that I know better and I am healed and I am not a dumb kid anymore I will make sure to always send you love. If you're ever reading this. I'm sorry and you're my greatest heartache and pain.

I hurt this person alot the most growing up really bad the words I said and the beatings I laid on him he was way younger and I was such a butch little boy. It was bullying. And it was wrong. That type of meanness haunts me and everyday that is the biggest regret I have in my own life. It is hard to forgive myself for what I did. EverydayI wish I can turn back time and take it all back.

I'm working on now is releasing guilt, because I apologized & forgiving myself and always somehow low key slipping money into his account somehow. And I dont blame him for hating me.

Love You Truly fr for eternity 🙏🏽

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