You Know I struggle some days. I still struggle with trying to practice what I preach and not caring what people think about me. But than I bought a unicorn dildo off Amazon with a ponytail at the end. smh fuck you Brent. I am kidding I honestly fucken TRYYYYYYY !!!!!
Some Days I aint lying, baby its TOUGH...
Or I have struggles with trying to keep my power and not giving away. I still struggle with self esteem at times too and self worth that deservingness. Like that little self sabotage voice that says, "Who are you to gain such this & that... blah blah blah" - That imposter syndrome that likes to creep up to me at times.
I still struggle with trying to face my fears about what people think or to truly embrace my weird, never-fitting in self. My whole life I have had this underlying belief like that I'm a loser.
So, I always struggled with low self-worth. Than as a I got older I got this false sense of pride
that was toxic too and I don't know where the fuck that came from I think that is a
stage every young 20 year old goes into. Like too hot to handle type deal fresh out
the country straight into the city type deal than all these eyes are on you;...
eeee big city "Saskatoon" lol That is a big ass city to someone like me back than lol
So, anyways I struggle today with fear of caring what people think. I try everyday to not care
what people think but I still struggle with that. I wish I can be my real authentic crazy as fuck
self and I pray by the end of 2022 I can. I just keep praying for the courage and the strength to
be who I am. Not saying I am far off from it but sometimes I still do care what people think
about me back home. MY home town and the beautiful people I grew up knowing and
growing up with. Like I know I shouldn't care half of them are on crack, but for some
reason I do though.
So, I am praying for the courage to gain strength to face my fears more than ever and face my true
North. I have to by the end of this lifetime be fully what I came here to do.
Which is be One really Spiritual Ass bitch. I'm like wow those are some big ass
shoes to fill "molly you in danger girl" lol Wooopi off Ghost that
is how I feel when I think of facing my fears. But I got a plan and I am sticking to it
and I am on the right path and I am slowly facing my fears and sharing what I know
what I see etc. I will mf go there if a mf has time to sit down and have tea.
I love the woman I have come for the most part. It took me along time to get where I am today.
It took alot of suicide times that I went through alone. And you know what that is another
thing if someone wants to commit suicide they won't fucken mention it or drop it on social media
they will just fucken do it. The ones who want to commit suicide will not tell anyone
they will just say. So check into your strong friends or quiet ones
who get hammered on from bullies and assholes.
Stick up for people when you see people getting bullied too don't just fucken stand there real slow.
Say shit asap.
The way that I am strong and independent is I made a lot of mistakes fucked up a lot in my life and took a lot of chances in my life and a lot of the time just took blind ass chances.
Took steps in faith and had complete trust in the universe and God. The ancestors are very
present in my life I see them. I love them and I know we aint alone.
Who was always my worst enemy was always myself!! I had really bad imposter syndrome and was scared of my own light and just like they saying goes people are not afraid of failing they are afraid of succeeding and being fucken phenomenal. This is a true thing and comes a lot of low self worth and low self esteem stemming from childhood poverty or childhood abandonment. We feel well we were not loved right as a child so what the fuck makes me feel as a grown ass adult that I am now worthy of a beautiful loving kind equal relationship?
These are unhealed shadow aspects and ideals and outdated un-serving self sabotaging beliefs we carry as children into adult hood. Therefore what we feel we deserve we limit our capability of manifesting our true potential. Which is always a healthy, steadfast love one which gives you what you give it.
Heal yourself before you have children so your children don't have to heal from having you as a parent!!!
There is no rush to this life thig you guys. It takes times and a lot of fuck my life times. Lots of days I am still learning and growing and I pray it stays like this me growing until the good Lord takes me home. Don't beat the shit out of yourself if you started out late in life. Just be happy you were brave enough to face your childhood trauma's and demons in the closet. Faced your abusers from your childhood and forgave them. And released it.
Forgiveness is not for the weak and this is one way you can level up in all areas of your life is forgiving everyone and anything that used and abused you in your childhood and younger years!! This will release old ass dusty ass stagnant grey heavy energy from your auric field and make room for more love to enter. Unconditional love enters through the heart your chest area. And you also hold resentment and anger in this area also why do you think when you get fucken mad your heart beats out of your chest and you want to swing on a mf??? So release all anger and resentment forgive bitches lay it to rest and move on. Rest in peace. Forgive and move on. Its not worth your beautiful future and not worth your energy and it takes time to forgive and heal trust me. Take your time with this step it is the most important in becoming a stronger individual. Let it go now. You deserve peace now.
There are alot of miracles that Have happened in my life to have me knowing that there is more
to life than this. Way more. That is why it is important to stay opened minded as fuck with things.
I try hard. I work hard in life. I am out here with no parents on this earth. I took my Kokum as my mom. They are back home Happy Hunting Grounds. I see them a lot well my kokum is taking it easy from me at this time because she gave me advice got mad at me but I am not taking it from her. You got to take note our family members still keep there same personalities when they go to the other side they aint all of a sudden all harp singing deadly dancing every day mundane plain ass angels singing around all day. They have whole ass projects and things they are doing on the other side, as well as your loved ones keep there same personalities quirkiness and all. I've seen it witnessed it and spoken to them. So, if your uncle was a joker he is still going to be a joker and come thru as such and vice versa goes for an asshole prick auntie if she was a drunk and a dick in this life she will come thru as such when you channel her or get someone to channel her.
If you need a good medium plug get Dynelle Wolfe. She is the best with Mediumship.
Anyways, everything I do is prayer, faith and acquired action. I always take action towards my goals and put elbow grease into it and try hard. I pray, visualize and I have faith. If it is a certain job I want I study the fuck out of the company the post, read the room when I walk in and flow state. Dress in all black and wear glasses in interviews too because first impressions are huge and people do judge you based on your appearance as fucked up as that is this is the way life is.
That is just the way it is.
I have a lot of strength from a lot of betrayals in my life that turned out to be blessings. Every betrayal in your life got a toxic person out your life or got you to escape a real shady situation. So, always thank for those betrayals because you escaped got away from snakes or environments that were not meant for your greatest and highest good.
You always want to pray to God to lead you in the path that is equipped for your greatest and highest good. That is just how it is and that is what you want. As painful as the start up may be sometimes that looks like a whole lot of shedding your past and letting go of old relationships and old people that you use to love. Evolving sometimes requires shedding, a lot of pain and evolving because what you once knew does not resonate anymore and in order to move up and get those answered prayers you worked so hard to achieve sometimes that requires a whole lot of evolution and letting go of the past.
Like the worm into the Cocoon than the Butterfly it is such a powerful transformation that requires a high pain threshold, patience and a huge faith and inner knowing that You are going to make it out okay and you will excel and be better than ever before.
All these steps require a lot of leveling up and letting go of the past. Its like going through a death. A death period so you got to be patient with the process and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and not to give up.
When you first start off on the journey you will have bumps and detours but that is okay because that is knowledge gained. Now days when I fuck up or have to do something new or take a wrong turn or fuck up I see it as a learning opportunity now. I am patient with it and try learn it good and well. SO, I can carry on a pro.
Forgiveness and letting go of people, abusers and bullies in childhood is huge for being a success as an adult.
Resentment and harboring memories of sadness within you carries an aura grey around your heart. Resentment and anger hold a dark grey energy around your heart on your chest and this blocks the high frequency of love and light. And love and light are
Affirmations I am Strong, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM PROTECTED FROM GOD SOURCE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!
DO NOT SELF SABATOGE YOURSELF & SAY 'I AM NOT GOOD ENUFF, I AM NOT YOUNG ENUFF, I AM NOT SMART ENUFF'........ NAWW FUCK THAT !!!! YES YOU ARE!!!! Shut your mind up when it starts to go back to self limiting beliefs! Do not let yourself fall back into toxic patterns of thought waves you ahve worked tooahrd. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a beloved friend or your most beloved child. With words of encouragement, strength and unconditional love even when you fuck up bad. Who care's we all do have days where we mess up just say eh I am human and this is a great learning experience and good lesson and story. So eff it carpe diame!
BABY DON'T HAVE IMPOSTER SYNDROME!!! BE YOUR OWN BESTFRIEND!! Affirm to yourself everyday start making it a habit!::