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SLOW SUICIDE- Watching Your loved one Die

Updated: Jan 3, 2022

Slow Suicide killing yourself slowly by drinking yourself to death is a thing. Watching the one you love the most in the world slowly kill themselves with alcohol is a whole other demon. Because you would do anything to take there pain away and take there place. You love them so much you try everything in your power to try convince them that you love them so much so they will stop.

You don't understand the deep pain the deep sadness they carry which makes them want to escape this reality all the time. You can't fathom the pain they endured to make them want to escape there reality. Is having you that bad where they do not want to be sober to be around you?

Guilt consumes you because you feel like that one time you were mean to them that you broke them and that you were you are the cause of there pain. You kill yourself trying to figure out why they kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. You think if you love them more they will stop. The love for escaping there addiction always takes over. Treatment center after treatment center. Charge after charge. Jail cells and visits after mistakes you one day pray for the day they will wake up and love themselves just as much as you love them. And stop drinking.

I always go back on my dads childhood and I know the pain he witnessed because he would talk about it or give me glimpses of murders he witnessed at age 5 or great violence he seen. My dad would tell me disclose about me weird people in this world and to not be so trusting. He never cried he was an addict. He was addicted to several things. Including womanizing. He never respected women therefore he never respected himself. We know people with high self esteem and love for oneself don't abuse there bodies or abuse others bodies. That is an unhealed action. He was addicted to women. He was an addict to alcohol.

He was a good person. The alcohol made him someone different. Regardless I would hear him alone blacked out sometimes yelling at nothing fighting with demons and yelling in pain and I knew it was something to do with his childhood. And that is how I knew he was in great pain because the pain would come out when he would be drunk. And I would cry. These were some of my first memories.

In me and his most recent past life together we were dairy farmers in Wisconsin in the early 1700s and in that life he was my son and I was his mother and in that life too he had addictions. He will have to come back and repeat another life in order to finally wrangle and achieve healing of his addiction behavior.

Another life that was addicted to drugs and alcohol that failed again in this life was the singer was Amy Winehouse. She was a black soul singer in the southern states and that was when heroin first became underground and used when people didn't even really realize what it was. Amy Winehouse's last life was she died an addict from her drugs and she was a singer a black singer in her past life in the 1940's she came in this most recent life as Amy Winehouse and one of her lessons her soul was still trying to heal from and defeat was that of addiction.

Addiction as a karmic life tribulation is one of the hardest lessons and someone has got to be a solid ass soul to choose that life tribulation. Takes will power but it is breaking free and taking back your power and power of your life that breaks the binds of that habitual pattern forever.

Another life line that one would choose is the loss of a child. There is no greater pain than the loss of a child. Because that is not the way of life. It is so un-organic. Your children should always die after you not before you that is against nature so when it happens it is unbearable pain. Anguish.

Those souls who go through that always deserve extra love and compassion.

Forgive your parents for not speaking on the demons they keep bottled up deep inside. Forgive your addict parent for there failures as a parent and instead thank them for the strengths they showed you in LOVE. Forgive.

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Papa ♡


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