I am strong inside and out. This took years of healing. This took years of fuck I want to die fuck this life. This took years of crying. Days of staying in bed. Months of depression. I went thru all this sober. The feelings sober and it was the most hardest times of my life and no one held my hand through it except God. Creator. Universe. Source what ever you feel comfortable calling Great Creator. I wanted to die too many times to count but you know that footsteps poem comes to mind.
When you are going through your hardest times in your life you are being carried you aint walking alone you are being carried. They got you. Hard times do not last Strong ass Warriors Do 👑
SOOOOOOOO start healing. I promise you when you give yourself the gift of your time to heal and feel and just be sit with your shit and go through those hard times alone it will pay off. That doesn't count going thru your healing and posting every mf detail on instagram or facebook either. Detach from the world while you go within and really go through your shit. Your habitual patterns how life keeps happening the way it does. You will notice there is a more grandeur to this thing called life.
You need to detach and take that time to go within and be alone and heal and cry and mourn. Fake eyelashes need no apply during this time babe. My men don't be shy to Cry in ur pickup truck alone. BE SECURE ENUFF TO EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS !
FUCK THE PAST FR!!
YOU ARE NOT THERE ANYMORE.
You are not that same Person! You ain't even the same Person you were two months ago.
So, Many times people feel bad for leaving there past behind. So many times people... childhood friends or family loved ones are still living in the past re-pllaying over old ass scenarios bringing them into there now existent beautiful new life. Re-living over and over the same old life lies in there head and re molding it into there now life trying to validate there own messy ass situations. Thats corny as fuck my g. We all have a story no one cares.. TIME TO HEAL.
People need to Grow the fuck up & start taking responsibility for their life. We are Creators Co Creators of our Reality.
And sometimes folks need to be Reminded from a good friend like You. Tell folks whats on ur heart sometimes they need to be reminded of there Power.
Take BACK THERE POWER.
I aint afraid to be that friend. I believe in real truth if you love someone. And see thru them lying to themselves about the shitty consequences they have gotten themselves time and time again.
No matter where you move in this world, you can't run from your toxic ass thoughts. That movie you replay in your childhood of the way you grew up and what you witnessed as a child. That is not you anymore. You are not that person anymore.
There are some people in your life who will always be in a perpetual cycle of victim hood and talking about past events.
Than there are others who choose to lead a new path and know they are not there past.
We have all had a rough childhood. We have all had childhood trauma.
I know my past was ladled with violence. Alcohol and drugs I did at age 3 and age 7. This shit was always around and normal as fuck. That was my base line that was my normal. So, to experience Peace was foreign to me until I was old as fuck like 30. Peace is so beautiful and so normal when done right. I won't take down my healthy boundaries to try make peace for people I am not afraid to address what is up or when someone has crossed me. I ALWAYS ADDRESS IN A COMPASSIONATE REAL WAY. YOU CAN BE LOVING & STRONG AT THE SAME TIME. LOVE . TRUTH IS LOVE.
That is apart of Healthy boundaries is never abandoning yourself. So speal Up
But we got to remember those walls that we built up around us or those thoughts that are no longer serving us that we built up to try protect us at young ages, does not need apply to your safer more practically applied future.
To hang around people who are very much in there old cyclic habits of talking about there past and pur childhood friends and loving familia who are still very much in there old bad habits is draining as fuck.
You love em?? So You got to address this with them. If you are constantly in there energy or they come take up your energy you need to address this with them. A lot of times we have out grown some people from our past life but if they are going to fuck in our new energy we need to address some habitual patterns they bring into the new version of you and your precious energy.
If they are too much take them in bouts and strides. Limited visits lol but still love em bless em from a distance. No need to hate just love.
There is no need to talk hard about people or act hard around you I noticed alot of my family and childhood friends act too hard and I know them for them the soft loving side. Sometimes they forget to let there walls down around me because they are busy pretending being someone they are not through the lense cap off there EGO. That false protection they feel they need to project.
They need to know folks need to know life can change. You can change. They can change.
And that they are in a safe space you are not going to hurt them. They can let those walls down and be the normal loving person they are. You will notice when people let there walls down they can let more love in. People with huge walls up do not have enough room to LET LOVE IN. They are too busy restricting blocking there heart chakra from receiving love by holding onto trauma and violence from past events.
Once you realize that it is you repeating old cycles, dating the same abusive man, hanging with Judas's, always getting ripped off from different people player, being used and thrown away from people, player man over and over again, cycles of addictions you gamble than u stop but than u develop weed habit etc replacing one addiction for the next...... once you realize that the Power is within you to change these habits and face these demons you will start to see the shift.
It is not your fault what happened to you as a child. But it is your responsibility to heal.
You know I can sit here all day and cry and complain about my fucked up childhood you know I can cry and sit here all day about my fucked up home life or how fucked up people did me wrong. But, I aint. I'm not there anymore and I have forgiven the past and let it go. I have accepted it along time ago and know that it was part of my life journey at this part in my life.
Those younger hard fuck my life times I tried so many times to die, I tried so many times to want to die when I was younger. I could not wait to grow up and be responsible for just me and break out of jail. Aka Home aka my community. I could never be who I was completely. Only around my best friend Char. She knew who I really was as well as my dad I could get lippy or arrogant though and ol' man would set me straight same with my kooks. They were good parents. Rest there souls.
I am not there anymore. I worked so hard and faced so many dark times sober within my own life to heal and to find God. God within. That piece of Self love inside of me that I knew was worth the time and the effort it takes to heal. I cannot sit around with people who are still talking about the same victim ass bullshit.
If you can't take me speaking the truth to your ass and your sob story after you been telling folks for the last 5 years plus than bro we aint hanging. That is just how it works.
I love my people I grew up with always will always love them Whitney Houston. But I love me more and my time is precious so if my energy is constantly being lowered in there presence and If I find myself time and time again being counselor and being drained around them. Sorry bro But I got to make space for me.
It is hard enough to change ourselves never mind another person. It aint that you are better or your shit don't stink it has nothing to do with that. It is just that you worked hard to heal and get where you are and there is no need to apologize for wanting to stay present in the beautiful life you have built for yourself. You are healed. This Beautiful Shiny Enigma did not happen over night all of a sudden.
This Beautiful pillar of light and strength did not just happen wasn't born like this. This is decades of mistakes and pain and agony and above all healing.
Forgiving, loving, accepting and Letting Go.
Nurture those relationships that add to your beauty and loving life. Nurture those relationships that add to your beautiful shine and leave you feeling energized and cup full as fuck. Those strong relationships where yall are going places and making money moves and traveling the world together.
Those are the types of relationships you need to nurture. And thank God for your sisterhood. Thank God everyday for those soul sisters who have always been on your side since Day one.
Thank GOd Everday!!!!! For your Booty! YOur Healing!! Your Beautiful radiant smile!! Your loving presence and your HEALING!!!!!
I Love you so MUch YOu are never alone in this journey called life!!!! Love YOU!!!!!